So Brian Said

And now it appears I've just watched Tron. A better name for it would have been The Matrix: 1/2.
--McJangles 5:27 AM
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Schindler's List is the longest movie ever.
--McJangles 4:35 AM
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The arguments are in, and in about 12 years or so, the Supreme Court should issue a ruling.

I decided to link back to my posts from when this all blew up initially--almost two years ago. Then I decided to make sure that my writing and rhetoric were not embarrassing.

While I did chuckle at myself for ever thinking that "under God" should be left intact, for feeling the need to point out that Martin and Quinn have more liberal views, for a few misplaced commas, and for saying "I hate when I agree with Quinn," I felt that my argument was essentially solid, especially for having been written at 5 in the morning. The closing could have used some work, though.

I think I'm going to give them some light editing and repost them, but until then, you can have the links. The first post gives a good, long accounting of my feelings, and the second provides a nice little pronged test (I love those) to determine whether the phrase should be constitutional.

Rereading the post was especially fun because it allowed me to remember how insane the sentiment was surrounding the issue at the time. My favorite part was about the reaction from the Senate.

As long as you're on that page, my story about getting pulled over on June 19. In fact, you should probably read all those posts. I was mentioning how terrible my blog has become lately, but going back in time to those posts is really discouraging. I was on fire back then. Always disregarding the law, always getting in trouble with the law, always sassing the law.

My blog was brilliant back then. I recommend you just start at the beginning and read a post a day instead of checking for current updates.
--McJangles 9:20 PM
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Let's get ready to rumble!
--McJangles 2:25 AM
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We've come so far on the whole not-being-Puritans-anymore thing, but we still have so far left to go.

For instance: "It marked the first time that the FCC cited a four-letter word as profane; the commission previously equated profanity with language challenging God's divinity."

On second thought, it's a good thing we're broadening our definition to make sure nothing challenges God's divinity. Because saying that there's no such thing as God is evil and patently false. We wouldn't want to be like the Nazis or anything.

Of course, we all know what would happen if we didn't have the FCC to protect us from other nasty, four-letter words.

And if I turned on the TV and saw a breast, I -- like every other American -- would be wholly offended. And of course, I couldn't just change the channel; I would be entranced and unable to divert my attention. Not because I'm a voyeur or a perv, mind you, but because Satan's evil is hypnotic.

I, for one, am glad to have the FCC looking out for me. Thank you, Michael Powell.'

EDIT: My heart was only half in that post. Nonetheless, it is a post, and the rest of you may now resume blogging.
--McJangles 2:13 AM
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I also heart Google. I heart Google almost as much as I heart my mother, and Yahoo sucks like an ingrown toenail.

Go to Google and type in something like, "nine plus three," "22 squared" or "half a pound in grams." Don't use parentheses, though. Then, type those things into Yahoo and tell me how much better you it is with its horoscopes, lame-ass instant messenger and stupid exclamation mark.

Google, you are perfect.
--McJangles 1:37 AM
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Oh what the hell, why not try to recap the entire lost post?

Blogging has become easier with the temporary suspension of two crappy assignments. I'm generally dissatisfied with the assignments I receive and my beat in general, which may be taken over by a new reporter, whose position we are now taking applications for.

I have two posts that I could write about feelings, but I'm not going to, because it's annoying when people do that. One of them would have been OK, though, because my three hours of euphoria were brought on entirely by an Auntie Anne's pretzel.

I need to find a date for Ali P's wedding in Columbus in May, I need to shave, school doesn't suck too badly when you have interesting subject matter (though I'm still not interested in homework), I just realized that my birthday is approaching and was surprised to realize how much of a nonevent it feels like for the first time ever. I think that's a good thing.

I like when people say, "I heart such-and-such." Brian hearts: Dennis Kucinich, creating trouble, stringed instruments, eggs Benedict and sometimes his car.

I don't like the mall or Waldenbooks, though Auntie Anne's is the obvious diamond in the rough. I do like reference books. I need to tell Quinn the story from two posts ago, because I simply need to tell the story, and I need to tell it to someone who will appreciate it fully.

Exhale. The end.
--McJangles 2:24 AM
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I just wrote a massively long post and goddamn Internet Explorer crashed. Formal letters of intent to kill are being sent to the losers at noethics.org, who have pop-ups that installed some crazy bullshit on the computer and shut my windows down, as well as to Bill Gates, who is rich as triple-chocolate cake but still can't hire people smart enough to outwit these dipshit programmers.

That's three obscenities in one paragraph. That post deserved a B-, which is much better than most of my posts lately, and I felt like it was going to help me out of my slump. But now it is gone.

So again: shit and damn.
--McJangles 2:12 AM
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I've been given a temporary reprieve from crap assignments and reassigned to two real stories. Therefore, I love my job again. Although I hate when people make an issue out of things that aren't issues. I probably shouldn't write about that one on my blog. Curses.
--McJangles 5:45 PM
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In fact, I feel like quitting right now.

EDIT: All right. I feel better now.
--McJangles 3:12 PM
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Funny.
--McJangles 2:12 AM
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Delete.

That was the beginning of the story about how I got handcuffed and taken to my car by cops at the airport who thought that I had taken a suitcase bomb and hidden it under a car. Good times.

And since I'm just going to give up halfway and delete it, I'm not even going to bother typing out the most interesting part of the story from the concert, but you can check it out on Martin's blog. For the background on that story, you can check the archives. I think I will summarize, though: The crazy interconnectedness of the Black Keys and the Beacon Journal are bewildering and had both groups reading my blog, though probably not anymore.

If the Beacon is still reading this, though, would someone tell Bonnie Bolden that I'd like a copy editing job? This brings me to my next point.

I think I've already gone over this here, but it appears the blog has been suffering lately because of work. By the time I get home on any given day, I'm tired and sick of writing. I have good stories to tell, almost invariably more interesting than whatever story I've been shamed into writing about whatever advertiser has just thrown a big check our way.

And that's why I want out of this writing business. I should have listened to Krummel when he told me to start in editing. But no. I was a jackass, as always, and refused to take good advice. Now that I've learned the hard way, I'm looking for a way to slip over to the copy desk.

Unfortunately, the day after I realized I should make the switch, the Morning Journal filled its last copy editor position. So screw that. I really don't want to go to another small paper just to edit copy and get a dollar-a-week raise, but I doubt that I'm going to easily land a spot at a real paper.

So now I've updated my resume and completely overhauled my cover letter so that I don't sound like a jackass. I hate cover letters, but I think I can live with the one I've currently got. I totally talk myself up in it. It's great. And now I have to actually take the step of sending it out, which is where I'll inevitably get hung up.

So again: Someone should let Bonnie Bolden know I want a job before I'm forced to send out a cover letter.
--McJangles 3:59 AM
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Group C-2, your jury service is over. You are dismissed with the court's thanks.

I didn't want to be on that stupid jury anyway. I should have stolen something while I was there.
--McJangles 9:00 PM
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