So Brian Said

Being a vigilante copy editor rules.

A couple weeks ago, I caught a misspelling in a sign I was making at Sign-A-Rama. We reprinted the thing and I felt vindicated and useful for about the first time since I started there. Since then, I've seen plenty of consistency errors--periods after some abbreviations, but not others--but nothing too offensive.

Today, though... exciting stuff.

We were making some signs for a real-estate lady, and they said "Not a drive by." I'm sure your sensibilites have been offended by that, but in case they weren't, the problem is that "drive by" needs a hyphen. Jim, the guy who makes and prints the signs, was out to lunch, and the only person there was surely not going to care about any punctuation problems. Jim wouldn't have, either. I would have told them that "these signs need hyphens!" and they would have said, "She approved the proofs; I'm not about to burn up another foot of vinyl for punctuation."

So I furtively cut four of my own hyphens into the vinyl, dropped them in place and got the signs ready to be mounted. I felt like I was saving the world.

Jim came back from lunch and saw them sitting on the table. He kind of stared at them for a long time, clearly aware that something was awry. His attention was diverted for a moment by a phone ringing or someone walking in the door or something, so I covered up the signs and he went about his business. I mounted the signs, hid them in a box, called the customer and now no one will ever know.

Except you, gentle reader.
--McJangles 12:46 AM
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Why do you people dignify Martin with a response? Don't you know better?

Who is Maria? Marstarz? Zachary? Verderico? I don't know.
--McJangles 3:44 PM
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I'm finding that regardless of how many read my page, a lot of people at least use it as a portal to read other blogs. People read everything on my blog, just because there's a link. People from school read my family's pages, and my family reads pages from everyone at school. I've decided that this makes it prestigious to have your link in my box. That said:

It's time to clean out the links again.

Monica has been deleted, much to my dismay.
Jill has made a come-back.
Jay and Dan have new links.
Andy Diroll has a blogish page. He is this update's new addition.
Andrew has about a week left to update.
I'm still mad at Rachel. Fa shizzle.

--McJangles 7:16 PM
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Jay screwed up sending the pages again.
--McJangles 10:46 PM
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Why was no one born in April?

::Chortles:: Did you hear that folks? She asked for my cell phone number. I don't know if it's going to do anyone any good, but if anyone wants it, it's (440) 666-2869.

Cell phone. Good one.

For the record: If you want to get a hold of me outside of my house, you can try me at the paper. In the 330 area code, the digits are, in order, the months of the birthdates of Laura, Rob, Michael, Michael, Rob, Laura, and 4. If you're really desperate, I guess you could try Beth's cell phone. She loves when people ask her where I am.
--McJangles 2:06 AM
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I am at least secondary in awesomeness.
--McJangles 4:06 PM
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In the continuing case of Bardwell v. Beck, Brian is awesome.

Beck tried to tell me that the statistics we used in our story were wrong. So I asked for those statistics so that we could run a correction. He told me that he had the papers but that I wasn't allowed to look at them.

That got me thinking. Records, held by Beck. Beck, employee of state government. Records thereby belong to government. Public records. Public records. I thanked Beck for his time and danced in the elevator as I prepared to visit the UA lawyers. This is going to be soooo hilarious.

ALSO: One of the idiots at the paper sent the wrong page to the printer, so we printed that article again. It was even more hilarious. Not only does that mean we double-stuck it to Beck, but I also don't have to do a second of work on Monday. Beautiful.
--McJangles 3:49 PM
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Rachel wrote the name of the Locos waiter. Her name will now be removed from the box.
--McJangles 8:44 PM
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Beth and I saw Daredevil. I was told by my trusted movie reviewer that it didn't suck. He lied. I'm hurt.

I think I summed it up pretty well in my AIM conversation with him.

So Brian Said: Hi, I'm Daredevil. Here's a stupid thing to say when you're trying to pick up a girl.
So Brian Said: Hi, I'm Eclectic Nachos. I try to be coy, but I'm just stupid.
So Brian Said: Hi, I'm the other lawyer. Fo shizzle in ma nizzle, Rachel Loudon wrote my parts.
So Brian Said: I'm Bullseye. You made me miss. ihhhhhhhhh
So Brian Said: Terrible.
So Brian Said: Terrible.
So Brian Said: Terrible.
So Brian Said: Worst
So Brian Said: movie
So Brian Said: EVER

Separate but equally fun quote

Jx2xJ: Mm. Did not.

POW! Case closed, sucka.
--McJangles 4:17 AM
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I've decided to start putting "In Other News" at the top. I think that will improve readability.

In other news, Jay Beane is a dead man. The second I see him, I'll either rip out his larynx or pharynx.

Also, don't take my below admission of error as a retraction of my further-below comments about Tom Beck. I still don't like that crude, hot-headed, pretentious, petty, low-life piece of poopy.

The big story:

My Columbia piece has been largely ignored by the newspaper and the campus, thanks to its being overshadowed by Martin's staff editorial.

Martin wrote about how WZIP sucks, plays terrible music, and essentially should have everyone involved fired and replaced. I hate their music, so I was willing to sign off on it as a staff ed. So was the other opinion writer, and so were the ME and EIC. So it ran, over much protest by the none-too-neutral Beth. Beth thought we needed a box to say who wrote it, and I got mad when she yelled at me, so I decided against it.

Turns out I'm a stupid moron.

That was a big mistake, as it cost me a bit of credibility and several hours of arguing with Beth afterward, and cost the Buchtelite all of WZIP's advertising dollars.

I'm realizing that this story is much better in person than over the Internet. I didn't plan on posting the piece I'm writing about it on here, but it's easier than explaining it linearly. You can ask me about it, but I'll skip ahead to the cool part.

I called Brent Larkin, the Plain Dealer's opinion editor, and he told me that all the problems we were having with our staff editorials were fairly typical. No one understands where these things come from, who writes them, who agrees with them, anything. Even my understanding of the source--the names in the masthead above the editorials--proved to be inaccurate.

I told him how I was writing a big piece to explain the source of our staff editorials and he mistakenly classified my call as "ironic" and told me that the Plain Dealer is currently planning on doing the same thing. That's right, folks, Brian scooped the PD. OK, so it's not technically even a story, but I still beat them to the punch, provided they don't run this thing before Thursday. Larkin proceeded to give me kudos for my handling of the situation and the changes I intended to make.

That's right folks, I rule.
--McJangles 3:05 AM
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WARNING: DON'T READ FURTHER IF YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR ME SAY "ASSHOLE."

Tom Beck is an asshole. I hate him.
--McJangles 6:48 PM
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Craig Kilborne says, "This just in: College kids, keep working hard; in a few years, you'll have a low-paying job that you hate."
--McJangles 12:54 AM
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"National tragedy" losing its meaning
By Brian Bardwell, The Buchtelite
Feb. 13, 2003


It has been nearly two weeks since America lost the space shuttle Columbia.

It's easy enough to get caught up in the emotion of the disaster. Seven astronauts died that day while their families waited 15 minutes away. The explosion of Columbia was horrible, but coverage by the TV news went a step too far and took real journalism with it. The loss of Columbia was elevated to the all-important status of "national tragedy."

Yes, it was tragic. Death is always tragic, even when it's been anticipated for years. A national tragedy, though?

America hasn't been affected. We were all sad for a little bit. Lots of us said prayers. Somebody probably even cried. For the most part, though, the country has picked up and moved on.

There's nothing wrong with feeling compassion for any of the people involved with or affected by this disaster. There's nothing wrong with wanting to know the latest news. The problem is when "journalists" like those in the TV media bungle their job.

The news is supposed to serve up the truth and then let the public decide how to feel. Instead, it was used as a means to turn a tragedy into a circus.

Broadcast media, inherently prone to yellow journalism, cannot help but to tack on these sorts of labels to news. Newspapers have two paragraphs to draw you into a story. Newscasters only have about two seconds. They don't have time to tell you what happened, so they come up with a catch phrase, using one part catchiness and another part meaninglessness.

The whole country knows about the explosion, and it was tragic, right? Add to that the fact that it makes people feel heartless not to care. "National tragedy" is exactly what the broadcast news needed.

The unfortunate truth is that the only reason we treat this as a national tragedy is that it happened 200,000 feet above our heads and at 18 times the speed of sound. People have called it national because the astronauts were doing important research for the country and for mankind.

Imagine if a few months ago--long before Columbia took off--there had been an explosion at Glenn Research Center, the home of seven of the experiments performed on the shuttle. If 10 people died that day, would it have been a national tragedy? Would we care as much even if 20 people there died in a fire, doing the same things, only wearing lab coats instead of space boots?

It would make the news, of course. In Northeast Ohio, we'd hear about it for a while, but KXTF in Twin Falls, Idaho, is going to give the story about nine seconds, somewhere in the "Around the Nation" segment, well after the latest news on J. Lo and Joe Millionaire.

Americans won't be feeling the effects of Columbia years down the road. We won't even be feeling them in April.

We'll still read the news, of course. We'll still want to know what exactly happened. We'll still want to know what could have prevented it.

What we won't be doing is changing our lives and our worldviews as a result. This isn't the JFK assassination. This isn't Pearl Harbor. This isn't 9/11. How many people still refuse to board an airplane? How many more are still antsy when their flight is about to take off? Now put an Arab man on board.

Twenty crazy men with box cutters turning an entire nation into a bunch of acrophobic racists is a national tragedy.

Seven lost astronauts is not.
--McJangles 10:37 PM
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Arab culture is violent, primitive and tribal. Any questions?
--McJangles 3:55 PM
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Why did I think I needed to do research for the Columbia article? All the information I beat myself up trying to get has been cast by the wayside. I just sat down and hammered it all out, freestyle. No facts necessary. I had such high aspirations. They are mostly gone now, after only two editions.

The Columbia piece came out nicely, but I feel like it needs some fine tuning. I wish I was still at the Copy Desk to spruce it up. I'll have it posted up here for everyone after it goes to press.

Dave Stepanik is married and one month away from having a child. Jill has really missed out.

Martin just flushed his blog down the toilet. Prognosis: Martin will either be unable to stick to the new format or will have the decency to shut it down once it goes completely bad.
--McJangles 4:51 AM
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First: My official response to Michael's publicity stunt has been posted in his ShoutBox. Unfortunately, I forgot to edit anything before I posted.

Second: I had to use wire. Shameful. I suppose I could have been a loser like Opinion Editors past, but I decided that I needed to check my facts and form an opinion based on them. Martin Cizmar = agent of disinformation. I'll try to rewrite that article. I think it would be a good one to have in the bank.

Third: Buchtelite rivalries and alliances are far more confusing than I had suspected. Or perhaps I'm just too temperamental.

Finally: I just cleaned out my "Other Blogs" box less than a month ago. Now it's all changed around again.

Two cleanings after I deleted her, Jill has her blog back up running, mostly as an account of her student-teaching experiences. I was going to throw it back in the box right away, but I decided instead to see if she keeps it up. Sure enough, she's already gone a week without posting. Then, a post after she realized it had been a week, she did it again.

Monica is already late enough to be deleted. At least "London Calling" has arrived.

Jay left Livejournal for Blogger, and before I could even update that, Dan left Xanga for Livejournal. Kudos to Jay for having the sense to join Blogger. I've always had the feeling that Kadar chose against Blogger simply to irritate me. I am ashamed to admit that it worked.

One of these days, Andrew will slip up. That would be funny to take him off.

Somoles is posting again, but she's also threatening to stop writing. So although she's qualified, she's too high-risk to put back in just yet.

At least Elizabeth isn't toying with me.

Over and out.
--McJangles 2:13 AM
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A couple little somethings for the enjoyment of my Buchtelite kindred.

One little something.
A related little something.
A different little something.

--McJangles 7:42 PM
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James deserves the blame
By Brian Bardwell, The Buchtelite
Feb. 6, 2003


High school coaches usually see boys made into men. St. Vincent-St. Mary basketball coach Dru Joyce II has the misfortune of watching the opposite.

The media’s coverage of Joyce’s resident prodigy, LeBron James, has been more public relations and less reporting, so it makes sense that no one has pointed out what should be obvious: The “team first, me second” LeBron that Akron-Americans fell in love with a few short years ago has turned into another one of the self-absorbed brats who make up the majority of his professional-athlete peers. James just didn’t wait to sign a contract.

When he became a local celebrity, reporters were always sure to point out his exemplary sportsmanship and focus on teamwork. The stories would read something like this: “And no matter how easily he could just score with a lay-up for himself, James never misses a chance to pass the ball to teammates, giving them an opportunity to share the spotlight.”

It’s no surprise he was so well admired in the early days of his fame. Everyone was sick of the same old news coming from the sports pages. O.J., Darryl Strawberry, Jayson Williams—it never stopped. “The Chosen One” seemed to be the role model people now expect from athletes—and had the talent to back it up.

Nonetheless, time and fame have taken their toll. The outstanding sportsman and humble athlete has swiftly become nothing more than an egocentric superstar. Whether or not he’s still passing the ball to the teammates he claims to hold so dear, his behavior off the court—and the toy-car incident on it—nullifies whatever he’s ever done right.

King James hasn’t been answering any questions, but he did grant an exclusive interview to Deion Sanders. It’s no wonder; Sanders is an idiot masquerading as a journalist. He couldn’t ask O.J. Simpson a hard question.

But even with a cream-puff feature on national television, James still couldn’t make himself look like the man he used to be. He parroted the well-rehearsed story of a storeowner giving him $800 in merchandise “just for being on the honor roll.” Who was supposed to believe that?

Beyond that, he couldn’t manage to lose the smarmy look on his face when Sanders asked if he had known he was doing anything wrong. “Well, of course not,” he chuckled. “If I would have known I was violating anything, I would never have done it. I would never jeopardize my eligibility; I would never jeopardize my team.” It makes for a good press release, but it doesn’t work when the spokesman can’t keep a straight face.

The point is that James isn’t who he once was, and the jerseys are only symptomatic of the problem that he articulated perfectly in his interview with Sanders. “Maybe I should get a reward. Everyone else is getting rewards off of me, you know? Maybe it was time for me to.” Before, he never missed an opportunity to let a teammate take an easy shot and have a little attention. Now, to hell with the team—this boy needs a Gale Sayers jersey, and it can’t wait until the end of the season. This is “The LeBron Show,” after all.

Accountability can be a bitter pill to swallow, but you have to take your medicine sometime. He knew he couldn’t be taken down for the Hummer incident, so he brought in the toy just to throw it in the face of OHSAA. Now, though, he’s screwed up, and wiggling out is a little tougher.

James is a poor sport now, so he doesn’t have to take his punishment like an adult. He’s taken his case to court, where we solve real-world problems like “I didn’t know McDonald’s could make me fat.” Judge James Williams should have dismissed the suit and reamed James in the process, but instead ordered him to miss one more game and go back on the court. OHSAA will probably appeal, hopefully finding a judge with a bit of sense.

The only thing more disturbing than his tailspin into a self-centered crybaby is the fact that he’s still LeBron James, Media Darling. “He’s having a bit of fun with this,” the Beacon Journal headline said, giggling along as James drove his miniature Hummer around the court. Columnist Bob Ryan acknowledged in the Boston Globe that the decision to take away James’ eligibility “comes under the heading ‘Open and Shut,’” but the headline—and theme—of the piece is “James not to blame.” A few days before the court hearing, acclaimed sports columnist Terry Pluto diagnosed the situation identically to Williams, saying that James should sit out two games and be let back onto the court. And while columnists at the Plain Dealer aren’t quite kowtowing, the best they seem to be able to do is chuckle along with James’ little joke.

Sometimes it’s OK to let kids this age get away with things. With no one to bail you out, going to college and making real-life decisions teaches you about accountability. Do we really trust the NBA to do the same?

No one wants to see James hung out to dry for this one. No one wants to see him accept responsibility for his mistakes. No one even says he’s a bad kid.

I do.

He screwed his team by being greedy. He could have bought those jerseys and two more if he waited two months. Now they’ve been returned, and he’s been disqualified. He can’t wear Wes Unseld’s jersey, and he can’t wear Gale Sayers’ jersey. Hopefully, he won’t be able to wear a St. Vincent-St. Mary’s jersey either.

LeBron James is at worst a degenerate and at best only stupid. Stupidity may not be a crime, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t punish it.

[NOTE: I've cleaned this up a little, so it's not identical to what appeared in the paper.]
--McJangles 11:54 PM
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To bring you up to speed: Hambot quit the paper, leaving an opening at the opinion editor's desk. I've been transferred, effective Wednesday, Feb. 5. Beth moved into my old spot as copy chief, where she is handling herself and her coworkers well.

My first opinion page was not too bad at all. Not an ounce of wire on the page. I started to write a piece on LeBron at about 130AM on Wednesday. I finished the 900-word piece at about 630AM. It was pretty good. Unfortunately, Martin, who was supposed to write about Bush or something, wrote a LeBron piece as well, probably thinking I was still writing about Columbia. So we ran a pair of LeBron stories, then Jay drafted up a LeBron cartoon that looked pretty good, if not ethnically accurate.

We hammered the page down with Campus Voice and a Taft piece, both by newcomer Rob Class. He needs a little fine-tuning, but I don't anticipate too much trouble.

My "I hate LeBron James" away message has drawn a bit off attention. People want elaboration, so I'm going to go to school and pop it up on here for the rest of the world to see. Where's the Buchtelite webpage? I don't know who to be angry at: Linda, Pete, or the university. Might as well hate all of them. I'll be back in about an hour.

See you then.
--McJangles 10:16 PM
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