So Brian Said

Take a look at this guy. He doesn't look like the kind of guy who would leave you feeling introspective, does he?

But here I am, blogging. All because Ted Nugent, the creative mastermind behind "Stranglehold," "Cat Scratch Fever" and "Wang Dang Sweet Poontang," called me a prick. Not people like me. Not a group of people that I belong to. Me. Brian. He called for me personally to be spanked.

You see, Martin landed an interview with the Nuge, who happens to have a spread just down Prarie Chapel Road from George W. Bush. So Martin figured that he might as well break the ice with the story of the time I peed on the president's lawn.

It was a hilarious prank, involving me jumping out of a moving U-Haul truck, the risk of arrest by the Secret Service, me being chased by the neighbor's dog, Martin driving the truck across another neighbor's lawn and me finding a flashlight in the urine-soaked mud. All in all, it makes for a great story.

But Sweaty Teddy had a different take:

“That was almost as stupid as Ozzy pissing on the Alamo. What, do you hang out with a bunch of idiots? See, Ozzy didn’t do it intentionally. He’s so delirious he doesn’t know when he’s going to piss or where he’s going to piss. I’m glad he knows how to piss. But your friend should be spanked for being such a prick. That kind of politics I just find that amazing. As rotten and as un-American as Obama is, I would have no desire to piss on anything of his. That sounds so like dope-inspired hippie activity.”

I'm pretty sure that's the first time I've been sincerely lumped in with the hippies. Also the first time I've been associated with Ozzy Osbourne. But the stinger was when my politics were called into question.

It's easy enough to dismiss anything Ted Nugent says about politics. He tells Obama to suck on his machine gun and calls him "a piece of shit." Hillary is a "worthless bitch." (See it here.) He's a conservationist who sells canned hunts. A draft dodger turned political hawk. It doesn't take much time looking at his weekly columns to realize that this man, while very intelligent, suffers from a rough combination of paranoia, delusions of grandeur and bat-shit craziness. Either that, or he's just constantly putting up a front. To be honest, I think it's the latter.

In fairness, though, there's plenty to like about Uncle Ted. Gun rights should be protected, and he's got that covered. He's an outspoken conservationist. And even if his music isn't all that meaningful, rock 'n' roll doesn't need to be. I've seen him live, and he's awesome. "Free For All"? Totally badass.

So let's bring it back to the point, which is "that kind of politics." Ted's politics are usually as ridiculous as they are reprehensible, so I laughed it off when I first heard he was calling me names. But when I got to read everything in context, it became clear that he was right. "That kind of politics" is exactly what turns me and most other people off and what pushed me to get involved in politics last year.

As much as Reagan brought people into his party, George W. Bush drove people out -- myself included. In 2000, I was a die-hard, anti-abortion-voting Republican, excited out of my mind to cast my first vote for him and Cheney. By 2004, my loyalties had changed, but his petty brand of politics had consumed me nonetheless. When courts struck down anti-abortion laws that I supported, I found myself happy anyway, just because I knew the ruling would piss off the president.

It took an embarrassingly long time to realize this was not a productive way to govern or conduct the nation's business. That's why Obama got me so excited. I've mentioned it a million times, but his Call to Renewal keynote made me realize what an asshole I was being, and how much better off the country would be if the people who were leading the conversation could treat issues seriously, be fair-minded, be honest and extend an assumption of good faith to the people who disagreed with them.

Even if he's being a bit hypocritical, the Motor City Madman correctly highlights my that I've fallen short in heeding the call for a more civil political dialogue. For that I feel genuine remorse.

I won't say this often, but thanks, Ted Nugent, for calling me out. You were right.
--McJangles 12:51 AM
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A Very Short Play
(Based on a true story)

At the clerk of the court of appeals:
Clerk: You're Brian, right?
Brian: I am.
Clerk: You used to work for the Chronicle, and I'm from Lorain County, so I know about you.
Brian: I've got a fan base here?
Clerk: Pretty much everywhere, I think.

You don't say.
--McJangles 3:55 PM
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I was disappointed to learn that I did not invent Six Degrees of Wikipedia this morning.

Just the same, the game is great, especially if you start at a random page. I went from Curly Sue to Completely, and also from Montgomery Gentry to Al Franken.

It'll probably be a while before I type a Wikipedia URL again.
--McJangles 10:26 AM
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On this Feast of the Epiphany, I had one of my own: Motion-activated sinks and towel dispensers are not unreasonable when you realize that they are for promoting public health and not for preventing kids from sticking towels in the sink and clogging them up.
--McJangles 8:03 PM
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Is anyone in this family better than me at anything?
--McJangles 3:47 PM
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Contact Brian Bardwell and Citizens for Sunshine at:

--McJangles 6:30 PM
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The best thing about nice days is that when I open my doors and the breeze blows through, I get to smell Rally's.
--McJangles 11:56 AM
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I feel like I should have known before I turned 27 that I hate Earth Wind & Fire.
--McJangles 2:49 PM
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A great reason to live alone: eating breakfast, lunch and dinner out of the same bowl.
--McJangles 9:12 PM
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Every time the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops gets together, I like to come here and hate on them a little bit.

They had their annual meeting this week, and for once, I'm liking what I see. They just published A Call for Bipartisan Cooperation on Iraq that has a lot for most people to agree on.

Our Catholic teaching on war and peace offers hard questions, not easy answers. Our nation must now focus more on the ethics of exit than on the ethics of intervention. The grave moral concerns we and others raised prior to the war now give way to new moral questions.

The bishops say the current course in Iraq is "unacceptable and unsustainable," and they call for a "responsible transition" that balances a prompt withdrawal with a minimization of casualties.

But even more interesting is the Faithful Citizenship Statement. It's long -- 44 pages -- so I haven't read the entire thing yet, but here are some highlights from the press release:
-- “As Catholics we are not single issues voters";
-- Though abortion is still considered "intrinsically evil," support or opposition to it should not be used as a litmus test when voting;
-- Catholics must participate in a political life, and not just on Election Day;
-- When voting, Catholics should consider issues of poverty, racism, hunger, health care, the environment and use of the death penalty.

UPDATE: After reading all 44 pages, I still find myself in general agreement with the bishops. To me, it sounds like a call to vote Democratic, though I suspect a Republican would feel otherwise.
--McJangles 11:11 AM
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